She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
