I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
