Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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