Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
