I'm jealous of your bromance
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
