so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
