Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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