i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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