oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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