Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
