if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
