Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
