A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
