I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
