Soap is not a condiment
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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