let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
