Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
