i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
