ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
