Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
