I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
