your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
