I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
