Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
