I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
