For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
