There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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