i may or may not be watching the land before time
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
