Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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