I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
