i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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