hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
