Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
