I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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