I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
