my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
