I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
