i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
