This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
