As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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