my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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