belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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