Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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