i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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