his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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