After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize