Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
