you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
