Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
