Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
