So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Soap is not a condiment
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
