just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
