You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
