Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
