for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need a beard to bite.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize