I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
