I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
