Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
