that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
