didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
