Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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