PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's blow job season.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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