I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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