dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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