you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no, he came in my armpit
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
