bring money and cleavage
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
