Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
