Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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