Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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