I wish I could teleport
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
