shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
