Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
