So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
