I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
