Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
