I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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