whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
