Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
worst night to have a conscience
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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