Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
