So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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