New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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