$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize