I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
