So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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