Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
