Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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