my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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