he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
