apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
