I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she peed on how many people?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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