I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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