So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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