He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize