this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
