Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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