I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
