matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
