im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
