Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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