So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
