The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
