The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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