Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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