Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
