i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
