I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
