Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
