went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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