winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
