my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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